A Fairies Dilemma..

A dilemma.
Now, for years my dad was friends with 'Fred' (not his real name)and his family. I've known him since I was a little girl. Until Fred got a girlfriend aged 65 him and dad spent alot of time togther. He would come see dad every day and twice a day at the weekends, bringing his girlfriend too. (and I know, at 65 girlfriend isn't the right term but hey ho).
Two years ago he had his driving licence suspended when he went a bit mad due to an infection. Keep in mind he drives not a car but a very big tractor on the road (and not just on the backroads).
When he was ill, me and OH, his friends and his nextdoor neighbours ran around getting things for him, visiting him in hospital daily, calling doctors and ambulances, running him around places. Even my dad, who was getting ill had to do some driving for him.
When he came out of hospital and was better he said " I wouldn't have come through that if it wasn't for my girlfriend". She had visited him once in hospital, for half an hour. That was what she did.
So, some of his friends got angry at that and refused to see him anymore. As they felt all they'd done wasn't appreciated at all.
Dad got worse. He was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We told Fred and thought he'd walk down to see dad but what he did was phone dad at all times of the day and night until dad wouldn't answer the phone. (I should add that Fred is deaf as a post and refused to wear the hearing aid he was given). He'd often wake dad up early phoning him repeatedly because he was playing with his phone.
Keep in mind dad knew he was dying. So we offered to take dad to Fred and he refused. 'He'll just want something and if he can't be bothered to come see me...'
When dad passed away, Freds wonderful girlfriend and the great family of hers refused to take Fred to the funeral, even though they had known dad since they were teenagers. So we had to find him a lift to the crematorium. No one wanted to take him, as they all thought the girlfriend would suddenly want to go too. But we got him there.
That was just over a year ago. No one thought Fred would be allowed to drive again, though he pestered everyone to call the dvla for him. He thought his vision was perfect, he thought there was nothing wrong with him. Yet the doctors still kept saying he wasn't safe to drive. And when he finally got his eyes tested as the dvla insisted he had to, he needed glasses.
So, friday he was allowed to drive again. He has to wear glasses and his hearing aid. Has to.
He turned up with a carload of her family and collected his tractor that has been stored here the last two years. During the visit from the busload.
Then he turned up saturday morning at nine when we were getting ready to go see DD. I heard his tracor coming down the road and I nearly had a meltdown. 'I didn't wake you up did I?' he asked OH. He then preceeded to ride round the farm on his great big tractor. All our tractors are small. They don't leave huge ruts in the ground or chew up OH's neatly cut grass. And they don't run over crops either.
We put a chain across the yard. The last time we had to do that was when Fred went mad and was turning up at five in the morning and riding about hooting his horn.
This morning, monday, we were working and he turned up at quarter to ten, just before tea break. I saw him as I was walking back from the field so I went to talk to the dog! He had to walk into the yard as he couldn't just drive in.
He found OH and followed him about, came and sat himself down in our home. Then followed OH into dads home (which we are slowly clearing) and had a rootle about looking for a phone number. In my dads home, which is now mine. He was here an hour and a half, just following OH around asking him to do things.
This is OUR home. Dad's home (and its only a twin caravan) is mine.
WE are doing the farming. This is OUR place of work.
Dad has been dead more than a year.
Although he is everywhere he is gone.
How do you tell someone that it is NOT ok to come every day and stop you working for over an hour while you find him things or do things or just talk (as he still can't hear and you have to stop what you're doing and face him for him to hear you).
How do you tell someone that the weekends are your own. That sometimes grown ups like to go to bed when they're not sleepy and have some grown up time when theres no kids about and its NOT ok to just walk into someones home?
How do you tell someone that you agree with all his friends and neighbours that his girlfriend is not indeed wonderful, that the sun does not shine out of her posterior and that she is a goldgigger. (Fred was left over £30,000 by his brother, like to guess how much is left? I'm not being mean, his brother wouldn't even have her in the house! He wouldn't tell dad as he knew what he'd say but he told me he gives her money every week to go shopping, has bought her tv's, her family watches, washing machine, heating oil, and they don't even live together as she refuses to) And you definitely do not want to see her three times a week when he sees her?
How do you tell someone that it is not ok to go help yourself to as much vegetables as you can cram in your tractor to give to your friends?
Today he wanted OH to fix his brakes. OH is not a tractor mechanic. He would have expected it done for nothing. OH sent him next door to the tractor workshop.
How do you tell someone that life has moved on from two years ago and some things just aren't ok anymore?
I have no comparison in my life. All dads other friends come see me maybe once a month or two. They come and knock on the door. They don't just come in. They don't just ride round the farm.
His absolute best friend (they were best man for each other, lifelong trouble makers) couldn't even bear to drive past let alone be here for a while as dad wasn't here.
I am angry and lost and I don't know what to do.
Fred keeps his best rally tractor here in a shed, his trailer is in another shed. Which was fine when dad was here.
But when the next rally comes around poor OH will be pestered to get his tractor out for him, get his trailer out for him and load it onto the trailer for him. He doesn't need the extra work. Its more than enough to get one tractor to a rally. And it means OH will be angry all rally weekend. Great. I know this will happen. He expected it two years ago when he could last drive. Expected. And it made OH fuming.
And we both have trouble saying anything as he is like a puppy thats been kicked.
I become voiceless in the face of an old man.
I don't know what to do.
I'm normally happy to share what I have, I'm normally welcoming and generous.
But its all just too much.
Every day for goodness sake. Every day.
Any help gladly accepted. :(