Sometimes it all seems...

Pointless.  Grinds you down.
Ds was waiting to find out if the charity he was training with got funding so they could actually employ him. Nope. No funding, no job. Bless him he's spent most of his wages from part time job getting there and feeding himself, buying things for them to help out and now that's it. He can't get an apprenticeship as there wasn't enough of them to bother. He's not very happy.
We now have three weeks with no orders. No orders=no money.
Oh took his bill to local garage on day he was told, only to be told sorry he took them this morning, you'll have to wait till I see boss, maybe next week. So no cheque.
So I'm ratty, oh is ratty and so is ds. We're all bouncing off each other.
I said poor ds, oh said he'll have to go get a job. Pot kettle black.
Oh is even rattier as he's now found out alot of bits are missing from car he bough to fix and replace gas guzzler. I say he bought, that's another £880 he owes me. Then he's talking about buying bits for it.  Then today he got a parcel....light bulbs for lava lamp. We stopped using them as they're power thirsty and I refused to have them on. Especially as we also have lamp and fairy lights on too.
He turns things up, I follow behind turning them down. 16 strip lights in his garage.  16. It's not Blackpool.  Compressor that uses over 50p of electric an hour. And a fuffing heater...which he 'borrows' my cooker gas for. Two bottles at nearly £50 a bottle he's 'borrowed'.
I have to face the fact he's useless with money. He doesn't think. Like dad didn't think.
He got asked repeatedly to check oil on ds ped...didn't get round to it, engine ceased, had to be replaced.
A thousand things started and nothing finished.
I spent 200 quid on parts so he could fix ds car. Nope, still in boxes.
Not sold super gas guzzler as sunroof needs fixing...since he bought it 8 months ago.
I'm hacked off as you can tell. All this just before Christmas.  Misery piled on desolation,  sprinkled with hopelessness.
BBS x
I'm so fed up with them, with all of it.

Not having money makes me stroppy, writing my shopping list made me stroppy!
Ok, so we have orders that total £35.
£15 of that is fuel.
Wow, £20 to play with.
So I've raided my pound pot as this is the last delivery before Xmas,  therefore last chance to go to asda till next year.
And dads dog needs food, and cats need food. And we don't need much. Tough if we do.
Don't know if I'll have enough left to get something turkey ish. Can have sausages to make super duper stuffing which we can have in sarnies! 
And right now I'm being serenaded by cheeky girls cheeky Christmas and I want to brain oh with a frying pan!
Stroppy. It doesn't help that it's oh's mate that's left us like this. So its oh's fault through association! 
And he just doesn't seem to understand there's no money. Maybe I should give him the shopping money and say...There you go, two weeks of no orders, three adults, three meals a day, dog and cat food...good luck with that!
I wonder if the electric can be paid for with potatoes...
BBS x

Parcelicious

Grated potatoes rock...latkes this time, with chilli sauce...now those were cheap and cheerful! 
And I gotta mommy parcel! Oooh chocolate chips...vanilla, mint and butterscotch. Her lovely neighbours gave her different flavours to send, how lovely. And my Christmas present...ezi dough...like a hand cranked food processor!  Marvellous!  so I've woken Herman the sourdough up ready to play with my new toy! I was thinking donuts...maybe. so also looking for recipes using the interesting choccy chips...Mommy says she just eats them!
And the other picture is the tin....The tin with £20 left in it. Bugging me!
BBS x

Cinnamony fairy

Well, the house looks like it's Christmas,  dangly ball window is up, we squeezed in a tree, house smells of cinnamon apple loaf, and giant hash brown!
But amongst my friends there's not much spirit left.
One friend is reliant on her daughters wages to be able to eat. Merry Christmas!
One has been waiting 13 weeks with no money for his disability to be sorted. He has no food in cupboards, no leccy in the meter. Making him cakes every week. Joy to the world.
Another friends partner just left her in so much debt she can't afford food. Jingle all the way.
And so it's hard to believe what the politicians keep telling us. Economy getting better,  people better off, what a joke.
We went to the village craft fair this morning, didn't buy anything, mainly because everything I saw I could make! And I don't really have the pennies to spend on tat. No order for tomorrow again. It's dead.
BBS x

Harumph

Ok, how much more does there have to be. Oldest family friend turned up today, eyes red rimmed, his wife went to the doctors and she has a lump. I tried to reassure, and told him if he needs anything, including potatoes fried in bacon grease...His favourite...All he has to do is ask. She's going to hospital next week, he's gonna keep me posted.
BBS. ..Ho hum

Bah cheap mint imperial, can't afford humbugs

Really not enjoying December!  Trucks broken. So no delivering tomorrow. Mind you the orders this week were pathetic, 2 boxes of celeriac, bag of Jerusalem artichokes. £19. £15 of which goes towards diesel. 
Self employed isn't being the pleasure it should be, so no £4 earnt,  seriously.
Other wholesaler also didn't want anything. Zero zero zero.
This week I will earn £3.
Pity I've paid out £1800, and have this month's electric bill to pay.
And as we know oh is nice. Too nice. He hasn't been paid by local garage for last month's work. He told them Monday he wouldn't do more till got cheque...guess what...done 2 more jobs since! Still no cheque!
And he's having to pay for bits to fix truck now too. And using little beetle to run around for garage. Using my petrol.
I'm thinking of going on strike.
When I put the oven on to bake for dinner as we've run out of bread I wondered if I aught to just stick my head in instead. Then I noticed the oven floor had a rust hole in it and went off on a tangent of oh Lord,  don't let that stop working too. 
Think positive. ..
Food to the table, coal to the hearth and love in times of trouble.
Then poor ds came off his ped this morning on ice. All battered and bruised.
Really not having a good week...did I mention I came down with a cold Saturday.  Sinus blocking fun!
BBS. .

Moan moan moan...

I'm sorry...All I ever do is moan...maybe it's because I don't have a proper girly best friend to moan at...so blog is my best friend. ..Therefore you, dear reader, are now my best friend! 
So, I told you about oh's friend...who wouldn't help him back. Well, he was the one who conned oh into buying generator a while back, told him he could pay it back bit by bit...tanner down, tanner a week job. Last week he changed his mind, as I'd sold dad's truck finally. He wanted all of it. £1800 to be precise.  I didn't buy the generator, they purposefully did the deal behind my back. The truck money was supposed to pay for diesel for the tractors, seeds and plants. The money filled my tin.
Now my tin has £20 pounds in it. I told oh how that makes me feel. And he will be feeling it too when we go shopping this week. I know that's mean,  but he needs to THINK!
I hope my veg orders are good this week! Or he can say goodbye to ham rolls.
We live and learn, and we have quite different attitudes to money. I like a cushion!
And I want to $#@#% ¥£#$@ his "friend"!
BBS x