Seedy

Would you look at all my seeds. And these are just the squash! Lovely mommy lady found me some interesting pumpkins and gourds. I love gourds. And I cannot say that word, even in my head without it sounding like something from the life of Brian  (it is his gourd).
So today it rained, and I'm sure every single weed on the farm shouted yippee and grew 2 inches taller! Then again the self set potatoes have got over the late frost and are 6 inches tall😊 yes, I'm over excited about the prospect of new potatoes,  and about strawberries,  and the currants swelling! My lettuces are filling out as are the Chinese leaves that are left after the bits decided they were really tasty.
My £7 worth of assorted food I bought in aldi is becoming tea this week, along with half a packet of streaky bacon and some frozen chicken thighs left over from when a kitty was ill.
Tonight was vaguely garlic chicken (marinated overnight so no one knew it was thigh not breast) griddled on the...griddle! The end of a bag of crinkle chips I found when tidying the freezer, pitta bread and salad.
There's still enough chicken left for another 2 portions😊 not touched the nice looking ham, peppers or mushrooms! This is me trying to feed the boys more healthily on my extreme budget!
£40 to feed 3 adults, 14 cats and a dog, including all cleaning products and household consumables!  I don't think the boys appreciate how difficult menu planning is when your budget is £3 a day😊
At least the fridge is full as you can see and it's nearly all healthy...well...apart from the coffee cake in the tin at the top. As far as I'm concerned there has to be some pleasures in life and cake is mine😊 (it's a Mary berry recipe!)
BBS x if I can get into the hang of this again!

Long time

May 2017. Eight months since I last posted!  I'm not sure if it's because I hate using the app, if it's too tiny on my tablet or if I just ran out of fairy dust. Perhaps I didn't have enough happy thoughts to make it work!
 Last year the farm was a total write off. The flooding in early summer buggered up every single crop.
We didn't even make the money back on the celeriac plants.
 So we had to sell tractors just to pay the bills!
 In fact I sold tractors, son sold his guitars.
I'm hoping to start annoying you again...maybe I've got my fairy wings back! I need them😊

Hope

What's the one thing that keeps us going? Hope. Hope to pay the bills, hope to find love, hope to have the things we want. Hope. What happens when you lose hope? When you can no longer hope to see a better future, to think that next year will be better than this year?
As you can see I'm not happy, and yes, feeling hopeless. 
It's been a bad year on the farm, every field was flooded for over 2 months when things should have been growing. Instead they were sat drowning.  The 7000 celeriac we planted turned yellow and stopped growing,  the potatoes were sat in thick sludgy mud, we couldn't get on the fields to hoe the weeds away, or make the land ready for the next plants I needed to plant.  So all the brassicas grown in little modules turned yellow and stunted waiting to be planted. When we finally got onto the land and planted everything was late, then it got very hot which made half of the plants instantly go to seed. Fennel, chard, nearly instantly they were useless. The cabbages rotted but it didn't really matter as I couldn't sell them.
Then the courgettes were ready, I think I sold 3 quids worth,  we mainly ate them ourselves.
All this while waiting to see a physio, then waiting to have a scan, then physio again...then waiting to see a consultant,  then another consultant,  then a pre op, to find I had a heart murmur,  now waiting on a scan for that to see if I can have my 22 cm incisional hernia fixed.
I know the only reason the farm continued while dad was alive was because he had his pension to live on. For at least 20 years the farm hasn't had anything invested in it, no new machinery, nothing. We're still using machinery and tractors made in the 1950s and 1960s.  And they all need repair. All.
So, hope. None. There is no place in the modern world for smallholdings like this one. All the rest are gone.
I've cancelled the 3 magazines subscriptions. I've not had my hair cut in a year. I've put off going to the dentist. I've bought 1 new dress, 2 pairs of jeggings and a pair of shorts cos nothing from last summer fits after loosing 2 1/2 stone. I went through my stored clothes to find everything else. (Yes, I store all my old clothes, in different sizes! )
I still wear my 10 yr old overalls for work. I've not bought any Avon. My lovely full shelves are getting empty. My wellies leak.

Do you know what I just did? I went back and read all my old entries. Right from the start. And I did something I've not done in a few months. I lol'd. 
So, if anyone still reads this DO NOT TELL MY MOTHER HOW BAD IT IS!
BBS x maybe

Ello, just letting you know that the wheelbarrowfairy got tired and has hung up her wings, but has transferred her skills here. It's a tadge less personal as it's for the farm!

Sometimes it all seems...

Pointless.  Grinds you down.
Ds was waiting to find out if the charity he was training with got funding so they could actually employ him. Nope. No funding, no job. Bless him he's spent most of his wages from part time job getting there and feeding himself, buying things for them to help out and now that's it. He can't get an apprenticeship as there wasn't enough of them to bother. He's not very happy.
We now have three weeks with no orders. No orders=no money.
Oh took his bill to local garage on day he was told, only to be told sorry he took them this morning, you'll have to wait till I see boss, maybe next week. So no cheque.
So I'm ratty, oh is ratty and so is ds. We're all bouncing off each other.
I said poor ds, oh said he'll have to go get a job. Pot kettle black.
Oh is even rattier as he's now found out alot of bits are missing from car he bough to fix and replace gas guzzler. I say he bought, that's another £880 he owes me. Then he's talking about buying bits for it.  Then today he got a parcel....light bulbs for lava lamp. We stopped using them as they're power thirsty and I refused to have them on. Especially as we also have lamp and fairy lights on too.
He turns things up, I follow behind turning them down. 16 strip lights in his garage.  16. It's not Blackpool.  Compressor that uses over 50p of electric an hour. And a fuffing heater...which he 'borrows' my cooker gas for. Two bottles at nearly £50 a bottle he's 'borrowed'.
I have to face the fact he's useless with money. He doesn't think. Like dad didn't think.
He got asked repeatedly to check oil on ds ped...didn't get round to it, engine ceased, had to be replaced.
A thousand things started and nothing finished.
I spent 200 quid on parts so he could fix ds car. Nope, still in boxes.
Not sold super gas guzzler as sunroof needs fixing...since he bought it 8 months ago.
I'm hacked off as you can tell. All this just before Christmas.  Misery piled on desolation,  sprinkled with hopelessness.
BBS x
I'm so fed up with them, with all of it.

Not having money makes me stroppy, writing my shopping list made me stroppy!
Ok, so we have orders that total £35.
£15 of that is fuel.
Wow, £20 to play with.
So I've raided my pound pot as this is the last delivery before Xmas,  therefore last chance to go to asda till next year.
And dads dog needs food, and cats need food. And we don't need much. Tough if we do.
Don't know if I'll have enough left to get something turkey ish. Can have sausages to make super duper stuffing which we can have in sarnies! 
And right now I'm being serenaded by cheeky girls cheeky Christmas and I want to brain oh with a frying pan!
Stroppy. It doesn't help that it's oh's mate that's left us like this. So its oh's fault through association! 
And he just doesn't seem to understand there's no money. Maybe I should give him the shopping money and say...There you go, two weeks of no orders, three adults, three meals a day, dog and cat food...good luck with that!
I wonder if the electric can be paid for with potatoes...
BBS x

Parcelicious

Grated potatoes rock...latkes this time, with chilli sauce...now those were cheap and cheerful! 
And I gotta mommy parcel! Oooh chocolate chips...vanilla, mint and butterscotch. Her lovely neighbours gave her different flavours to send, how lovely. And my Christmas present...ezi dough...like a hand cranked food processor!  Marvellous!  so I've woken Herman the sourdough up ready to play with my new toy! I was thinking donuts...maybe. so also looking for recipes using the interesting choccy chips...Mommy says she just eats them!
And the other picture is the tin....The tin with £20 left in it. Bugging me!
BBS x